Cascade of Stars

points of brilliance falling unorganized before fizzling out


It's been a while.

Looking back at this little blog, I'm partly embarassed by my attempts at poignancy, but they're also strangely comforting. Titles and whatnot will need to be changed. Anyhow, it's been, jeez, a bit over a year since I last said anything here. I didn't really think I'd be coming back, but it's a pretty good way to get my thought straightened out, as far as I recall. So, without further ado...

This Saturday will be my birthday, and I'll be 18, a legal adult. I managed to keep my 4.0 last school year except for that single A- in Intermediate Piano third term, which I think was a pretty significant accomplishment. I also participated in the SkillsUSA state and national computer programming competitions, placing 1st in state (obviously) and 8th at nationals. I was disappointed in this, not because of my placing, but because there were at least two really easily avoidable mistakes in my code, which annoyed me for quite some time.

Speaking of programming, I'm around three-fourths of the way through an Android app-development class, and we've just started on our first real project. I decided that I might as well try to convert my cryptography program to a mobile app, hopefully making it actually work in the process. As I write this, it occurs to me that this will be the first time I've worked on that program in, well, the better part of a year. Funny how the past all catches up with you at once, isn't it?

Let's see... I haven't played any on my piano since the end of last school year. I'm researching prenatal genetic screening and human genetic engineering for an "issue exploration project" in my concurrent English class. Thank goodness the course is only a semester long. I'm also taking AP Physics and Network+ this year, although I'm stuck in a test about routing protocols in the latter.

There isn't much else to say, I don't think. I recently got a smartphone for the first time in my life, which I think is pretty fantastic, even if its battery leaves something to be desired. I've returned (for now) due to PseudonyM's recent entry on his blog, which I may or may not be tracking the RSS feed of. Tomorrow I'm going to go with five of my friends and pay a total of $150 to be locked in a room full of puzzles for an hour in order to try to escape. It's going to be great fun, I expect.

See ya around.


P.S. Forgive me if there are any copy errors in the above post. I couldn't be bothered to copy the content into a word processor to check.

Life Keeps Happening and I Have Nothing to Say

So, yeah. I should really make entries more often, but I feel like I never have much to say, to be honest. A summary of my recent life would include that I've had a boyfriend for a bit over a month now, that I did manage that 4.0 last term, that I'm falling behind in my schedule of learning "Showtime" due to a lack of practice availability, and that my birthday's coming up and I'll be getting some stuff. Said stuff includes two music books (Kingdom Hearts ones because I'm a nerd) and all of the expansion packs for Civilization V.

Sooo... Not much else to say. I've been trying to compose something recently, as a Christmas present, but I'm having trouble coming up with a fitting melody. Which is lame. Perhaps I should think of a title and compose around that? I dunno.

--[null], VoidEnigma

School, Convention, etc.

The end of the first term is approaching. I have nearly a 4.0; I need to do test corrections and maybe turn in one more homework assignment in AP Stats to get it up from an A-. Also I learned that on finals week I can just not do some assignments and still get As in the class, so that's pretty cool.

Last weekend from Friday to Sunday I was at Anime Banzai, the biggest/oldest anime convention in Utah. I had $165 before then. I am now broke because I bought a Cosmo-P CD, From Up on Poppy Hill, some snacks (Pocky, Ramune, and Calpico), an Attack on Titan wallet, two decks of cards (Madoka Magica and Durarara) a little figure of Zero (Code Geass), an "Objection!" (Ace Attorney) button, went half-and-half in for the complete Claymore anime with a friend, and finally most of a Homura (Madoka Magica) plushie for the same friend. I think that's all I bought, besides assorted foodstuffs.

Other news includes, umm, the fact that I may or may not be writing an original story at some point in the near future, and I also may or may not be kind of dating someone. I have not yet beaten KH FM, still; I've finished the penultimate world but not yet gone to the last one. Welp. I think that's it.


– <something profound>, VoidEnigma


So, yeah. I made a thing. A musical composition, to be specific. It's currently untitled, but I thought I might as well share it with you all. So, here it is.

This is the first thing I've ever composed, so I would much appreciate it if I were to receive feedback on it, especially if it sounds like another song. That's something I'd much rather avoid. So, uh, yeah. Besides that, I so far have a 4.0 for this term. Hoping to keep it fairly high. Also I've nearly learned to play Reviving Hollow Bastion, except for one extremely annoying bar in which the melody and harmony have opposing beats.

Speaking of Kingdom Hearts, I recently acquired a copy of Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 ReMIX, which is so far absolutely fantastic. I just defeated the Opposite Armor, if that means anything to anyone. Anyway, ah, I think that's it.


--Simplicity is not inherently negative, VoidEnigma


Fond recollections and the haze of memory overlay with guilty remorse and abandoned hopes, creating a sense of melancholy wistfulness. Heavy hangs the head and the heart when one remembers a past of unity and pseudo-familial friendship.

After that esoteric opening, allow me to disclose that all I'm going to be speaking about is some memories about my year and change on Flipnote Hatena, with a bit about school tacked on at the end. Just a bit of forewarning.

To cut straight to the topic, over last weekend I went camping up by a reservoir, with little to do but read, listen to a podcast, and think about stuff. Specifically, my mind wandered to my days on Flipnote (henceforth referred to as “FN”), in this “organization” called Sangius. I put quotation marks around that word because, like all other FN groups, we didn't really do all that much. Anyhow, Sangius was formed by Optero, a former member of the new BBG (Building Better Government or something), which was another group that existed in the first year of FN, before my time. Anyway, the purpose of BBG in its later years as well as Sangius during its entire existence was to oppose the Watchmen (WM), another group whose purpose I can't exactly recall, but had something to do with attempting to police the users of FN, and doing it quite badly.


Moving on from that, is how I came to join. It was quite simple, really. I was in the comments of some flip, where I saw Optero saying something I agreed with, and also he had an id relating to Kingdom Hearts. So I faved him, and a few days later he published a flip regarding Sangius. Naturally, being a middle schooler, a shadowy organization attempting to sabotage a cruel oppressor (or whatever went through my mind) sounded good to me, so I made a comment and joined as a staunch, protocol-adhering foot soldier. Oh, by the way, I'm going to be referring to all members by their codenames (yes we had those), to give anonymity to those who wish to have it. I was given the name Umbra.

People who were active during the time after Optero made Sangius “public” include obviously me and Optero, but also Glacie, Crucis, Panzer... I think Nemo came along later... It's all a bit fuzzy. Regardless, I was set to work as mostly an information gatherer, and quickly rose up the ranks, much to the envy of Glacie, who had joined a week or so before me and was lagging behind me in promotions. Eventually I was promoted to leader, and I think she was as well... It's been a year since any activity, and more than that since we actually resembled a group. I don't remember as much as I should. Speaking of, I should mention that the three leaders were Optero, Arcanum, and Interfector, but the other two rarely made any appearances.

Well, Panzer left, and two more members later joined, Lateo and, umm... I don't recall, we didn't use codenames much for them. But, ah, they and I had a falling out regarding a question of Glacie's loyalty, in which I pushed mush harder and yielded much less than necessary. This lead to them leaving Sangius, which, at the time, was a significant blow. They also had their own deal going on in FN, but I'm bound not to speak of it.

Other occurrences include being contacted with riddles by $@int, a member of the old BBG. Oh, there was an old and a new BBG. Both were before Sangius' time, but the old one was against the Reapers and the new one was against the WM, if I recall correctly. Anyhow, sadly, I don't have any of the messages anymore. Other things that happened included multiple bans by the staff (a shoddy lot, if I recall), multiple n00bs joining and quickly being expelled, and other internet shenanigans.

Trying to write it all out, it doesn't really feel all that interesting. Regardless, memories are always more valuable to the one remembering. All I can say for sure at this point it I'd be happy to talk to, do a favor for, or otherwise interact with a member of Sangius. Blood runs deep, and I'm not one to relinquish my loyalties.

– prattle if it helps, VoidEnigma

P.S. As far as school's concerned, my class list is as follows: AP Statistics, Honors LA 11, US History, Honors Physics, A+ Computer Maintenance, AP Computer Programming, Basic Piano (perhaps pending a tranfer to Intermediate), Drivers' Ed. for the first half of the year and Lifetime Activities (P.E.) for the second half. School starts next Wednesday, the 21st, I believe.

Test Results and The Future

So, today I was able to access my AP Calc AB test results online. I got a 5 out of 5, as I expected, but it got me thinking: what classes am I going to take this coming year to prepare for college?

I mean, I was planning on just taking concurrent math, but I should really take some AP classes for much cheaper college credit. But, the thing is, I'm not so sure I'd be able to pass any AP social studies or English classes. I mean, sure, I can take AP Physics and maybe AP Statistics if concurrent doesn't work out, but taking AP US History or AP English Lit. or something seems like I'm just asking to die. Plus I'd have to study for once in my life. It won't be pleasant, but I suppose I should get used to it before I actually go to college? It's much cheaper to fail in high school, after all.

I dunno, I felt like I should at least talk about something here more often, and be less of a stranger. I also feel like I should have more to say than just a lame paragraph, but I guess I have to start somewhere with semi-frequent writing. Anyway.

 – think ahead, VoidEnigma

So. Depression.

I recently realized, after having a talk with my friend, that I may be experiencing some amount of depression, possibly of the existential variety. I realized this because I've been exhibiting some common symptoms thereof: loss of interest, irritability, reduced appetite, change of sleep cycle, et cetera. I'm not sure where it's stemming from, but I can hazard a guess of the recent death of my great-grandmother.

I suppose it needs saying that I've never really... Well, let's just say the idea of mortality and my mind do not like to interact. And with the first death of a family member of mine since I could actually remember things, it might have hit me harder than I thought it did, attempting to assert the reality of mortality to me. This, unsurprisingly, has not been pleasant.

I had always believed myself to be comfortable with the fact that I will surely die, but I recently discovered through self-analyzation that I instead had been holding on to some futile hope that some technology would be developed in order to preserve my consciousness beyond when my body could. Alas, that is most likely not the case. It is also most likely not the case that I will ever make any large or lasting mark on this world, or even any significant group.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to accomplish by writing this, if I'm honest. Perhaps I expected it to be therapeutic, which it was, albeit marginally. Perhaps I'm seeking others who may feel the same way I do. Or perhaps I was looking for a way to organize and sort out my thoughts, and what better way to accomplish that than put them into a format for others to consume?

In any event, I hope that you somehow enjoyed reading this, and if not, my apologies. I didn't exactly write this for anyone other than me, but feedback is always appreciated.

– shine with brilliance, VoidEnigma